3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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