I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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