Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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