I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
