Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
