my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
