I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
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She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
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Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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