WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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