Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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