what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
