I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
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I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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