meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
