Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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