Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
