I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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