phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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