I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
