you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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