I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
