Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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