doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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