I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
