I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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