Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
