no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
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I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
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Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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