Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Everclear isn't food dammit
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
