I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize