What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
