Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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