On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
