he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize