I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
