guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
