Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
this boner is exhausting
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
