I look better un-naked...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
time to smoke my breakfast
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
