It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
