Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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