I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Houston, we have a blender
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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