I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize