I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
