i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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