the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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