"it" just moved
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
