True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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