She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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