Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Is it penis luge time yet?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
