ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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