come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
