I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize