Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
