Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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