even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
