I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
