I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
