i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
