just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
