Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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