I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
