dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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