apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
