I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
