I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
