I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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