Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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