I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
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When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
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His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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