dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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