You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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