just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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