When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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